28th January 2012.

  It has been a week now. I do not know how it works but I have not heard a word from that audition I went for. I went for another today. My new friend, Lisa sent me a text message with the audition notice. This is far better than travelling all the way down to Surulere to see them. She says they are even more viral through BlackBerry. I should really get one of those. She sent me the sms last night. She said it was an audition for a new movie from the producers of the popular movie, ‘BBB’. It was to take place at a restaurant beside Winnie’s hotel in Surulere.
  When I got there, I was late again. I went and put down my name on the attendance list. There were no seats so we all had to stand. It had rained the previous night, so the view was not pretty. We had to stand outside the restaurant. The gutter was filled up. I tried averting my eyes for it was an eyesore but my eyes kept going back on its own to look at it. The usual crowd was here. I saw a couple of faces I met at the other audition here. The man boy in charge of the attendance list i.e. the calling of names, reminded me of a tout, one of those Agberos. He looked unkempt and was rude to people. He behaved as if he was a lord. I stood there with my friend. She introduced me to people in her group. I then noticed that the tout looking man boy was letting some people through to be auditioned. I guess he knew who they were. They were just coming; they called him by his name. ‘Arnold, how far na’ and all that. He hails them and lets them go in to be auditioned, just like that. I pointed this out to Lisa and she told me, ‘that’s the industry for you.’ We waited and waited to be called. I could feel my body begin to itch. I am very sure it was because of the gutter. To make matters worse, it started raining. I had my umbrella in my handbag. Everyone ran for cover. Some had umbrellas; others ran into the neighbouring shops for shelter. Yes, the gutter began to overflow and stink. I moved to another corner to stand.  The rain subsided and we all ran back to our places. The rude tout came out with the list again. A fight almost broke out when he skipped a brawny guy’s name for someone else’s. I wish the brawny dude had beaten him up because he deserved it. The whole place was in chaos but the organisers never ever came out. I tried to listen to what those who had gone in had to say. I could not get out any information. Alas, my name was called, so was my friend’s. We entered with two guys and another girl. At the table were four men. One looked like a face I see in our movies. A face I had never taken note of before.
  I was told to wait outside. We were called in, in turns. I was the last of the five. I got in there, greeted them and was asked for my name. I gave that. A man with a rotund tummy like that of a pregnant woman’s gave me a script to read. I went through it and started. In the end, one of them said. ‘That was very good.’  (Did I forget to mention that they looked like Igbo men, they sure had the accent down to a pat? They had the look too, though they were young.) Then another, who had on those cloth caps that former governor Ngige was known for, asked how old I was. I supplied that and they all laughed that I looked younger. Then he asked if I could wear a bum short, I answered. Then he asked me to do something I never expected. He told me to take my shirt up to my waist that it was covering my hips. My eyes nearly popped out but I did it. Then he asked me to turn around so they can see what my mama gave me but the man behind me said, he could see it and that it was on point. My anger nearly spewed over but I controlled it. I was told to wait outside in the crowd. I went out. My friend asked what happened, I told her and she said same thing happened to her. We had to wait hours for the audition to end.  The organisers came outside and one of them said if I remember correctly in that accent I told you about, ‘thank you for coming to be part of our new record breaking new film. After ‘BBB’, which you all know, did very very well. We decided to do another film that will beat ‘BBB’. Actually, we need thirty girls and fifteen guys for a club scene. In fact, six club scenes or more. If I call you, then you are among the chosen few for our new movie.’ People were happy applauding as he started pointing at people and calling some names. I could not believe my ears. The audition was just so they could get people for a club scene. Jeez! Was that why I spent fare all the way down there? He pointed at me but I did not budge. My feet would not just move. He pointed at me again, I looked away. The people around me brought it to my notice but I kept quiet. They were saying that I should just take it. I can never tell another producer would see me in the movie and want to use me in his own movie. In my mind, I was like ‘yeah right! In the midst of other girls where I do not even get to say a word. Dancing is the only action. I see such scenes and how they play out in the movies. You are just props there, the background to the main action.’ I finally answered them that even if it was one scene and I get to talk or be really present in the scene then I would take it. Even Genevieve with her scene in ‘Most Wanted’ spoke. The scene was hers.  A dude was in my support. He was pointed at too but he did not go forward. I felt insulted. They could have easily made a phone call to a girl and she calls all her female friends and they do the club scenes but to call for an audition and let people come from far and wide just for extras in a club scene. My friend Lisa told me that there was more to see, that I had not even started. Some girls that were not picked were angry with me for not stepping forward. I got home today angry, hungry and tired by Nine p.m. I cannot believe I spent practically twelve hours excluding my time on the road there.
  My day did not end badly though. There was a silver lining. As I write this, I am extremely excited. I just got a sms from that other audition, for a casting next week. I have to call Lisa and ask her what a casting is all about. I have an idea from Hollywood movies and behind the scenes, I watch but I do not know if it is same here. If I compare the two auditions. The first one had taste, please. They, the organisers looked refined. I still have not told my parents what I am up to. I cannot wait for the casting. I am so excited. Bye!

21st January,2012.

THE DIARY OF A NOLLYWOOD HUSTLER
  Hello! Welcome to my diary. Before I start, I would like to state that every character here is fictional, if it sounds like you, then it is entirely coincidental.
  My name is Nicole. I am of above average IQ. In secondary school, I was in the most likely to succeed category. I ruled the art class. The same thing in my university days. I was never interested in movies. I came upon it out of boredom. Thanks to ASUU and its incessant strikes. My youth service was delayed. I was bored and needed to make extra cash. I chased jobs but no one wanted a non- youth corps graduate. I had gone to visit a friend of mine at surulere. As we strolled down the road, we got to a place called Winnie’s and I noticed white papers posted everywhere on doors, electric poles, and gates. Out of curiosity, I went closer and they all said ‘AUDITION! AUDITION! AUDITION!  One said ‘DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ACT’ another ‘ARE YOU BEAUTIFUL?’  They all had date, time and venue on them plus instructions to bring a picture of size 5x7”. I looked for a recent one, copied it down. It was in three days time. I decided to check it out. My friend thought I was joking but I was not. That is where my diary starts.

21st January 2012
  I woke up early as normal. I dressed up hurriedly. The notice had said 10 am and it was already past eight. My house was far from Surulere. As I left the house, I could not tell my parents where I was heading. My parents are very strict and they would rather die than have a child that acts. I could not just sit at home all day. Lagos transport service and the constant traffic jams, held me up. I walked into the street at past 10. I was not sure of the address, so I had to keep asking. An old man directed me to the place. When I got there, it was crowded. I met a crowd outside the gates. I entered and I still met a crowd. I could feel people sizing me up, especially the females. I saw some familiar TV faces. In my mind, I was like, ‘what the hell, am I letting myself into?’ I walked down to the table in front and put down my name. It was a kind lady that let me know that. Practically everyone inside was seated, there were no more seats so I stood. I had no one to talk to and no one wanted to talk to me. Standing, I could see everyone, so I opened my eyes and ears. I noticed that everyone belonged to a group. The fine girls sat together, they were classy with flawless makeup and their clothes were fashionable. The known faces had their own clique consisting of the guys and girls. We had the little nerds, they look very young and their dress sense is faulty plus no makeup. There were the wannabes or as I call them, I must make am. Their English was forming at its height. Their clothes were short. Did I mention the fine boys; they are same with the fine girls. We had the mamas, they are married, if you are single do not bother joining. My personal favourites, ‘ do you know how long I have been in this industry?’ they consisted of guys and girls that will mention the name of celebrities they have worked with on a first name basis, their dress sense reminds me of Benin market women, riotous dressing. With Igbo tongue or one tribal tongue, their English is not just up to it. You must respect them. Another group was the complex conscious; they all sit and compare notes on their last jobs. Then finally, you had the loners like me, who were just newcomers to the game.
  The audition started at 11. I found out with my ears that the owner of the production company was a female producer, I loved her movies.  The names were called according to the attendance list, people were paired, and giving scripts to rehearse and come perform in front of the judges that comprised of a man and two women.  I stood, watching people perform their bits; some were good and others terrible. I was petrified at the thought of everyone hearing me perform. Before I knew it, my name was called and I was paired with two women, one from the mama’s clique and the other from the ‘do you know how long I have been in this industry ‘clique. We were handed scripts. We went to a corner to rehearse. I read first and we decided to give it a go. When the lady from the do you know how long clique discovered I was new, she turned herself into a teacher. How she told me to take my lines were utter rubbish but I did not voice it out. I decided to do it the way I felt. I could not help but realise why she never made it. They called our group and we marched forward, we were asked for our names and we performed. It was the usual girl scenario, a girl with a cheating boyfriend with one friend acting the angel and the other the devil giving her advice. I was the devil. In the end, one of the judges called me forward, took my name down on a different sheet and asked me to wait behind. I was happy but at the same time asked myself what waiting behind meant. When some people realized I was asked to wait, you could say some looked at me again and others especially the female folk were envious. At the end of the auditions. They called a list with the names of people that were asked to wait behind and we entered into the office itself. I looked at the others and we were not more than fifty out of the almost three hundred that came for the audition. We were handed scripts and this time we were to appear before the producer herself and her director. I was paired with one of the TV faces. It was our turn, so we entered her office. Thank God, the AC was on. Action! And we did our thing. Then she asked us to swap roles. I was not expecting that but it turned out ok. Then she looked up at us and said. ‘Thank you! We have your details. We will get back to you if you are shortlisted.’ As we left the office, I could not help but notice that the producer was young. I would not mind being like her one day. Before, I forget, I made a new friend today. She took my number and promised to forward audition notices to my phone. She told me that it was the way everyone did it. She is one of the fine girls. I went home, happy as a lark. Let us keep our fingers crossed and see what happens.